Heading to the Bridge over the River Kwai…

(…or so we thought)

After the ease of Malaysia and the convenience of having our own driver in India, it proved quite a mission to find our hotel in Bangkok. The hotel was, rather annoyingly, on the “wrong” side of the river, a location that was carefully selected as it was close to the train station where we needed to be the following morning.

We arrived late afternoon and hit the start of rush hour. The airport train was packed. The suburban train was packed. The traffic was horrendous. So much so that even the taxi drivers refused to take us across the river because of the traffic. And with our heavy bags on our backs, it was HOT. Cue… major annoyance. Although, once we located the rooftop bar and sat, cocktails in hand, enjoying the view, the day’s struggles were forgotten.

Since we only had four days in Thailand (we decided early on to spend more time in Cambodia and Vietnam) we only had time for a short trip out of Bangkok. Not wanting to go too far or travel too long (oh the irony!), we thought it would be quite interesting to see the Bridge over the River Kwai, made famous by the movie of the same name. 

The train to Nam Tok was leaving at 7.50am from Thonburi Station. First we had to find Thonburi station, so out came our – by now extremely trusted – maps.me app. Since it was only about 1km from our hotel we decided to walk. The route took us through all sorts of markets selling everything from (still wiggling) fish to flowers and clothes, so by the time we got to the station I was hot and not impressed. Ahead of us lay a 6 hour journey on a Thai 3rd class train.

The train was actually a lot cleaner and smoother than I had imagined. We plonked ourselves down on the plastic seats and wondered when the train would leave. It seems, much like Southern Rail back home, you can’t really trust the timetable. We left about 20 minutes late as the train trudged down the line.

The journey was surprisingly pleasant, especially for 3rd class, with vendors walking up and down the train selling all sorts of local snacks and drinks. And at £2 one way, it was a steal!

Everything was going brilliantly, until we got to Kanchanaburi station just before the famous bridge. As we entered the station we saw about 200 school children neatly standing in rows. This was not a welcoming party and the realisation dawned on us that all these kids would need to fit into about three carriages. It was never going to happen! But oh no, it did happen. Suddenly, within a matter of minutes, we were all transformed into sardines. We could barely move our feet. And it was HOT! Don’t forget about the heat!! We still had two hours to go to Nam Tok.

Luckily the locals entertained us by taking the obligatory “stranger” photos of us. I am not sure if it was because they had never seen someone so tall or so red in the face from heat but we smiled anyway. One of the school children even took pity on Adrie and took to fanning her down like something out of the King and I. The only thing that could make this better was beers at the hotel.

When we booked our hotel – a floating hotel on the River Kwai – we both thought it would be near the famous bridge. It was only after doing a little research last night that we realised the hotel was at least a two hour train ride, a 15 minute taxi ride plus a 10 minute boat ride away. We had both looked forward to walking over the bridge and visiting the war memorial, but now it seemed an impossible trip.

The bridge itself still has some of the original spans that were built during the war. It was bombed by the Allies in 1945 but has been repaired and in use ever since. While the 1957 film, Bridge on the River Kwai, was a completely fictionalised account of events, this bridge was indeed built by POWs. I can only imagine what it must have been like to be forced to build and work in the heat like this every day. I was complaining simply when our air conditioning in the hotel wasn’t working. First world problems!

When we eventually got to our hotel, we quickly found the beers and enjoyed the beautiful and calm surroundings.

While “floating hotel” sounds very exotic, I can confirm that it comes at a price. At 6.30am the next morning I was woken by a very noisy “lorry” driver. Normally I would not be happy about such a wake-up call, but the sunrise over the river was spectacular. With the low morning mist, the scene looked like something out of a Vietnam movie.

The guilty lorry driver was one of many regular passing riverboats. Because we are in a floating hotel, every passing boat causes a wake that in turn causes our room to shake like we’re in the middle of an earthquake. Thai riverboats are also quite unique. For an engine, the long-tail boat simply uses a secondhand car or truck engine with the propeller mounted directly onto the drive shaft. I am convinced this morning’s early visitor had the engine of a cement mixer. Our room also shook like a cement mixer had driven right through the bedroom wall.

This did not signal the start of a relaxing Saturday. So to compensate, I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. Adrie at least managed a little swim – or rather float – down the river. You jump in at the far end of the hotel and drift all the way down to the other end, without so much as a single stroke. But even that was too much effort for me today. Because the journey to the River Kwai took a full day each way, we only had one day to enjoy the hotel and relax, which I duly did.

We were heading back to Bangkok the following morning, but I was dreading the train so investigated other options. There weren’t many. We could get a taxi for 4000 Baht (£100) that would take four hours; or we could get the train again for the ridiculous price of £2 but it is 90 minutes longer and we run the risk of walking straight into my worst nightmare again – a hot AND cramped train. When you look at those prices, my head was saying one thing but my bum was saying something entirely different. In the end, we both felt paying so much more per journey was insane. So the train it was!

The train, although late arriving, left almost on time and we chucked back down the line to Bangkok.

This time Adrie could not say no to the vendors again and bought almost every imaginable snack, from doughnuts (apparently one of the best things she’s tasted on our travels), to pancakes, pomelo slices and a bag of fresh peanuts.

There were two significant differences from our first train journey. On the positive side, there were no school children on board this time so we had some space to stretch our legs and move if we needed to, which made the trip immensely more bearable. We were also treated to some spectacular scenery along the way.

However; travelling in the afternoon, rather than the morning, made everything a lot hotter, a lot drier and therefore a lot dustier. We were covered from head to toe in dirt and dust and grime and sweat by the time we got to Thonburi Station.

Desperate to get home, we once again faced the same problem we did on our first day in Bangkok. This time, our hotel was on the opposite side of the river from the station (wanting to be close to the airport), so again no taxi would take us across the river in the traffic! After the fourth taxi refused to pick us up, we changed tactics and asked simply to go to the closest metro station and travel on public transport from there.

Obstacle negotiated, but we still needed to find our hotel. We walked up the street to where we thought it was, only to find a sign saying “Soft opening Jan 17” in front of a half-built building. Oh no! By this stage we were so dirty and sweaty from the train and had walked past the best of Bangkok’s nightlife of massage parlours and street vendors, I was ready to book into the first hotel I saw.

Fortunately we found the entrance further up the road and checked in. Tomorrow is the only day we have for sightseeing around Bangkok so after a lovely dinner and superb cocktails, we called it a day.

But it seems our (un)luck was not over yet…

When it came to bed time we discovered that we could not turn off all the lights. A particularly bright light that ran along the ceiling remained on no matter what we did. We tried every switch and even resorted to taking the key card so the room lost all power. It meant the A/C switched off but the lights still stayed on. Although we were so tired we slept anyway.

Despite all the drama we faced during our travels to and from River Kwai, we both agreed this was one of our most memorable trips.